There are NO Madea's in my Family

Yes, I've actually had to say those words to quite a few people and that's the problem with Tyler Perry and Hollywood. I'm not sure if it's Hollywood or us as the supporting audience, but it seems as if only one Black anything is allowed to be hot at a time, and right now, Tyler Perry is hot. His movies gross millions, ($500 million to date),his book, Don't Make a Black Woman Take Off Her Earrings: Madea's Uninhibited Commentaries on Love and Life , reached number 1 on the New York Time's Best Seller list, he has not one, but two television shows on TBS, and he's done something that not many Black actors/producers/directors have ever been able to do: He's had crossover success! And while I would never hate on anyone's success or hustle, I often wonder if we (Black women in particular) are paying the price for his success. Far too often I've heard people (both Black and White) make references to Madea and expect me to respond in a knowing manner. In fact, I've heard Mr. Perry himself say on numerous occasions that there's a Madea in all Black families. But the truth of the matter is, there are no Madea's in my family. In fact, most of the characters in Mr. Perry's movies are completely foreign to me. All of the young women in my family are bright, ambitious, and motivated, not lost and looking for love like most of Mr. Perry's female characters. This may sound shocking, but NONE of the young men in my family have been to jail, and while they may not be angels, they're certainly not the woman beating, dead beat dad's so often portrayed in Tyler Perry films. And while my grandmother (may she forever rest in peace) was a force to be reckoned with, she was a far cry from Madea. My grandmother's strength did not come from her handgun or her ability to tackle grown men. Her strength came from her experience. If she saw you making a mistake she had made herself, she'd let you know before you did it. And if you went ahead and made that mistake anyway, she'd call you a fool, let you know that she told you so, and help you figure out how to fix it.

What Mr. Perry doesn't seem to realize is that far too often people believe that what they see on the big screen. And if I didn't know far too many awesome Black women, I would think we all hated men, were over bearing bitches, gold digging, single mothers, down on our luck and were the spawn of Madea. I would think that the majority of Black men are superficial, dead beat dads, that work blue collar jobs. Tyler Perry is in a very unique position: he's a Black man who can actually help shape the way Black families are viewed by non Black audiences. How dynamic would it be for his next films to feature successful Black women happily married to successful Black men and raising children that are ambitious and motivated? Or even single Black women that don't hate Black men and are enjoying life on the single circuit? My hope for 2012 is that Tyler Perry realizes what a powerful medium he has and uses it to help change some of the perceptions of Black women and the Black family...

Leave My Womb Alone!!

It seems like every time I turn around my womb is being discussed in some form or another. Whether it's the House voting to strip Planned Parenthood of Federal Funds or Michelle Bachmann calling Planned Parenthood a "criminal enterprise," and threatening to outlaw abortion it seems like a woman's right to choose has become great fodder for public debate. And then there's the constant defending of my choice to not become a mother at this stage in my life. When did a woman's right to choose become a public debate? We all know that Roe v. Wade affirmed a woman's right to choose to abort a pregnancy, but now it seems like we have to defend our choice to not get pregnant in the first place. If I had a dollar for every time I had to explain to people why I don't have kids yet, I could probably give Sallie Mae at least half of the cash I owe her. The truth of the matter is, I love kids and can't wait to start my family, but it seems as though the increase of baby mamas and baby daddy's has diminished the importance of having a nuclear family. Blame it on my mama, but I still believe in marriage before children. For years she not so subtly let me know that I better not bring home any children without bringing home a husband and for all the things that didn't stick...that did. My decision to remain kid free before marriage isn't a knock to the many wonderful single moms out there doing it. I was raised by a wonderful woman who played the roles of mommy, daddy, and sibling (yes I am an only child) and I know some extremely hardworking single women who are raising our future Queens and Kings. And while raising a child is probably the most gratifying job in the world, it's also the hardest. I look back on my own childhood with amazement at how my mom managed to move us out of LA and into the suburbs, yet still battle LA traffic to make sure she was home in time for school recitals and award ceremonies. She made sure I had at least one fan at every basketball game and she wiped away my tears when someone or something disappointed me to the point of crying. She made all of it look so easy, but trust me, she let it be known that single parenthood was the hardest thing she had ever done. And that's one of the many reasons I have yet to bear children. While I'm all for independence, there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a partner to share that responsibility with. And call me crazy, but I want to have one last name in my household. I have a friend that was with her boyfriend for almost 10 years and had two children before she decided to marry him for that very reason. And then there's the whole financial responsibility that comes along with children. Unless my dear Auntie Sallie Mae starts taking diapers and formula as payments, my current financial situation does not allow room for children. I was seven with a passport and want to provide a similar lifestyle for my children. Funny, but even my dear mom has jumped on the, "When are you going to have a baby?" bandwagon. I would share my real answer with her but I can't be held to deadlines when it comes to my womb (soon mommy, I promise). Bottom line is, I can go on and on about my decision to not have kids right now, but I shouldn't have to. Parenthood should be a joy, not something a woman should feel forced into by society.