Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Get it Right Get it Tight

I am not ashamed to say that yesterday I went to my first Weight Watchers meeting. Now before I get a bunch of messages or comments telling me that I'm not fat, let me be the first to say that I by no means consider myself "fat." However, I do realize that since the end of my relationship I have developed a serious love/love relationship with food: I eat what I love, and I love to eat. Even if that means eating cookies for breakfast followed by fried chicken and an entire bottle of Pinot Grigio for dinner. And as a result, my clothes are all fitting a tad bit tighter than I'd like. And let's admit, at 30, the weight does not simply disappear the way it did when I was 25. Luckily I have a very close friend who was already on the program and needed a little nudge to back on it. So yesterday she took me to my first meeting, then we went shopping to make sure I had everything to get me started. I'm allowed 26 points a day and although I initially thought that sounded like starvation, it's 5:45 pm and I've only eaten 11 points worth of food and I am stuffed. I've eaten more carrots and grapes today than I had all month, and I feel darn good! My friend and I are both kind of competitive but even more supportive so I'm sure we'll Dougie with each other when we hit that good weight loss stride, and be there to help the other just say no to that deep fried chocolate glazed donut. My long term goal is to develop healthy eating habits to take with me into my 30s and beyond, my short term goal is to be bikini ready by my friends annual birthday boat ride. So here we go on this journey to getting it right and getting it tight!

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Ladies: If You Ain't No Punk Holla We Want Prenups

So you're in wedding planning heaven when your partner drops the bomb on you: he wants you to sign a prenuptial agreement before the two of you tie the knot. Your mind instantly flashes to Kanye West's "Gold Digger," video or to the jersey chasers featured on numerous "reality" television shows. But before you take that deep, "oh no he didn't just call me a gold digger," breath and tell him exactly what he can do with that prenup, consider this: a prenup is about a lot more than who gets what in the event of a divorce. As I've began taking the steps to boost my own credit score I learned that my student debts can become "our" debt whenever I do get married. I've also learned that any judgements (creditors, child support, previous alimony agreements, etc) can become both parities' responsibility once a couple marries. Even if your partner has none of the above credit issues, a prenuptial agreement can protect you against any possible future financial fiascos, i.e the Bernie Madoff scandal. As a result of Bernie's fraud Ruth Madoff had to give up $80 million in assets and can still be held liable in civil court. A prenuptial agreement would have left her safe from that civil liability and possibly secured some of the assets acquired during their marriage. My advice for any woman who's getting married: hire separate lawyers and have a fair, yet very clear prenuptial agreement drawn up. A good prenup will have marital clauses including cheating, infidelity, divorce and even death. But most importantly, a good prenuptial agreement will leave your credit score and finances intact, while also alleviating some of the stress that comes with marriage and joint finances. Me personally, I would never marry someone and have them unknowingly become fiscally responsible for my student loans should I decide to stop making payments. I also know that I am working too hard to reach that credit utopia of 750 and I refuse to let someone else's financial irresponsibilities set me back. I'm not only protecting myself, I'm also protecting my future...So ladies, take control of your financial future and let 'em know, "We want prenups..."

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Daddy's Little Girl

So earlier this week Rihanna and Chris Brown made headlines when they released two songs they recorded together. While both of the songs are hot, it's hard to listen to them without instantly remembering the damage he did to her beautiful face. Let's get one thing clear: I believe in forgiveness. Chris Brown made an awful decision and is paying his debt to society. I see no problem with Rihanna for forgiving him, mostly because holding a grudge can be mentally and physically draining. But to (seemingly) rekindle a romantic relationship with him is something I can't support. As a pop superstar she's an idol to many young women out there. And yes we can scream that she shouldn't be, but let's face it; she is. It's no different than the millions of little girls that sang, "I Wanna Dance with Somebody," in their hairbrushes in the 80s. Millions of girls want to be just like Rihanna. They want to dress like her. They want to dance like her. And sadly, they want her relationship. How can we condemn the little girls that tweeted such vile things about letting Chris Brown beat them when Rihanna herself is clearly sending the same message. Are we supposed to listen to the first line of C Breezy's verse on the Birthday Cake remix and not believe that he's singing about Ri-Ri? The exchanging of birthday tweets between the two of them and the pictures of them hugging all point to a reconciliation between Breezy and Rihanna. My question is, where in the world is Rihanna's daddy? How has he not come out and tried to put an end to this? Has he sat down with his daughter and told her how much he loves her and wants her to be with a man who would never do to her what Chris Brown did last February? Better yet, why hasn't he tried to kill Chris Brown? Not literally, but you get the picture. I was recently in a relationship that ended in violence and thank God my father does not live in the same state as my ex and I. And thank God even more for my mom being sane enough to talk my dad out of hopping on a plane and buying a gun once he arrived in Minneapolis. It was that crucial. And it should have been, the situation warranted that type of reaction from my dad. One thing my dad said to me repeatedly was, "I'm your daddy and I have NEVER put my hands on you so ain't no man on this Earth ever supposed to think that he should." And he's right. He hasn't ever so much as tapped my legs and although he hasn't been Dad of the Year, I know that he loves me far too much to ever see me in a situation with a man that puts his hands on me. So I could only imagine what his reaction would be if I were to ever tell him that my ex and I were getting back together. So back to my original question: where is Rihanna's daddy? Doesn't he love his little girl enough to do everything in his power to keep her away from the person who hurt her? Why isn't he protecting daddy's little girl?

Just in case you forgot what he did to her face:

Morally conflicted, cause I can't deny liking the songs...Listen for yourself...

Monday, February 20, 2012

Break Up Boogie

Breaks ups suck. The only thing worse than a bad break up, is listening to the radio and thinking every song was written specifically about the demise of your relationship which in turn brings on massive amounts of tears, typically in public places. What’s even worse is all too often we have our own break up songs that we keep on repeat in hopes of simultaneously singing and crying our break up pains away. As I navigate my way through the jungle of newly found singleness I found myself repeating the song and cry ritual until I (re) discovered Elle Varner. Ms. Varner is part of the BET Music Matters tour and her newest single, “Only Wanna Give It To You,” is the perfect “throw on your summer dress, have a mojito on a rooftop bar and dance” feel good song. The most ironic thing about my new favorite break up song; Elle is singing about falling in lust, like, love; whatever you prefer to fall into. Listening to her sing about being held hostage by this man’s kisses made me realize that love can and should be fun. I look forward to the butterflies in my stomach and wanting that certain Mr. more than a new pair of shoes. Until then, I’ve channeled that heartbreak into rediscovering all of the things I’d abandoned when I became we: dinner parties with my girls, independent films and dance nights that end with pizza at 3:00 am. I’ve since downloaded Elle’s mix tape Conversational Lush, a witty collection of songs that encourage me to get up, dance and fall in love all over again.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

What's Your Number

You meet a man and after a few weeks of dating bliss he pops the question...No not that question. He asks you how many sexual partners you've had. What do you do? Do you lie and leave a few of those escapades out? Do you answer honestly and hope that your "number" isn't too high for him? I'm pretty sure we've all seen the trailer for What's Your Number? the romantic comedy staring Anna Faris, a woman determined to track down all 20 of the men she's had relationships with to figure out what went wrong. I'm sure the story puts quite an entertaining spin on what can be a very awkward situation. The truth of the matter is, I was once asked about my sexual partners by my then boyfriend. Although my "number" wasn't very high, I knew it was higher than his so I lied. Back then, I wasn't sure why I felt the need to lie, but looking back, I realize I was afraid of him judging me based on a few youthful indiscretions. And let's be honest, as women we are taught not to be like, "those girls," or "loose." It's one of those absurd double standards placed on the female gender by society. A man can have as many sexual "conquests" as he likes while us women are barely allowed to publicly acknowledge that we enjoy sex, let alone actually admit that we've had more than a few partners. As I've gotten older and more comfortable in my sexual skin I no longer feel the need to lie about the number of partners I've had; however not only do I refuse to answer the question if asked, I also refuse to ask others. It doesn't matter to me how many women my partner has been with in his past, all that matters to me is that I'm his present and future. Happy, healthy relationships shouldn't focus on past partners but should focus on being safe! The only thing I want to know about your past is when was your last test and when are we going together. Once that's been established, there's noting sexier than a couple exploring sex without limits :-).

Friday, September 2, 2011

Let Chaz Bono Dance!

Dear One Million Moms.com

This firestorm you're creating over Dancing with the Stars' decision to cast Chaz Bono on the show is one of the most ridiculous and disgusting things I've heard in a while..And from a group of mothers no less!! First off, let me let you in on something: Gay, Lesbian, Bi-Sexual, Transgendered and Transsexual people exist and guess what else...Some of them are even your children! Yep, little Ricky that's sitting across from you at the breakfast table right now has a crush on his school's quarterback. Your daughter Kim feels trapped in the wrong body and may be contemplating suicide because she feels alone and unsupported by her narrow minded, bigoted mom. And for you moms who don't have children that struggle with issues of sexuality and gender let me let you in on something too: Watching Chaz Bono on DWTS is NOT going to "turn them" gay or bi-sexual or have them signing up for gender reassignment surgery. What stories like those of Chaz Bono and Janet Mock can do is open up a healthy dialogue on these issues. It can show those kids (and adults) who are struggling with their own sexuality and gender identity that there are people out there who have felt exactly how they feel and they survived. It can teach kids who are lucky enough to not have to deal with this struggle how to open their hearts to those kids at school who get teased constantly for their perceived sexuality. And most importantly, watching Chaz Bono dance his heart out just may prevent a kid who feels alone and trapped in a body that doesn't quite fit them, from ending their life. Rather than chastising Chaz, you as a group of moms, should be applauding his extraordinary bravery. He did something that so many others weren't able to, and he did it under the scrutiny of the public eye. Thank goodness he has a wonderful, loving, supportive mom in Cher and not one of you because if he were your son we just may be talking about yet another life ended rather than celebrating what his life has become.