What's Your Number

You meet a man and after a few weeks of dating bliss he pops the question...No not that question. He asks you how many sexual partners you've had. What do you do? Do you lie and leave a few of those escapades out? Do you answer honestly and hope that your "number" isn't too high for him? I'm pretty sure we've all seen the trailer for What's Your Number? the romantic comedy staring Anna Faris, a woman determined to track down all 20 of the men she's had relationships with to figure out what went wrong. I'm sure the story puts quite an entertaining spin on what can be a very awkward situation. The truth of the matter is, I was once asked about my sexual partners by my then boyfriend. Although my "number" wasn't very high, I knew it was higher than his so I lied. Back then, I wasn't sure why I felt the need to lie, but looking back, I realize I was afraid of him judging me based on a few youthful indiscretions. And let's be honest, as women we are taught not to be like, "those girls," or "loose." It's one of those absurd double standards placed on the female gender by society. A man can have as many sexual "conquests" as he likes while us women are barely allowed to publicly acknowledge that we enjoy sex, let alone actually admit that we've had more than a few partners. As I've gotten older and more comfortable in my sexual skin I no longer feel the need to lie about the number of partners I've had; however not only do I refuse to answer the question if asked, I also refuse to ask others. It doesn't matter to me how many women my partner has been with in his past, all that matters to me is that I'm his present and future. Happy, healthy relationships shouldn't focus on past partners but should focus on being safe! The only thing I want to know about your past is when was your last test and when are we going together. Once that's been established, there's noting sexier than a couple exploring sex without limits :-).

Let Chaz Bono Dance!

Dear One Million Moms.com

This firestorm you're creating over Dancing with the Stars' decision to cast Chaz Bono on the show is one of the most ridiculous and disgusting things I've heard in a while..And from a group of mothers no less!! First off, let me let you in on something: Gay, Lesbian, Bi-Sexual, Transgendered and Transsexual people exist and guess what else...Some of them are even your children! Yep, little Ricky that's sitting across from you at the breakfast table right now has a crush on his school's quarterback. Your daughter Kim feels trapped in the wrong body and may be contemplating suicide because she feels alone and unsupported by her narrow minded, bigoted mom. And for you moms who don't have children that struggle with issues of sexuality and gender let me let you in on something too: Watching Chaz Bono on DWTS is NOT going to "turn them" gay or bi-sexual or have them signing up for gender reassignment surgery. What stories like those of Chaz Bono and Janet Mock can do is open up a healthy dialogue on these issues. It can show those kids (and adults) who are struggling with their own sexuality and gender identity that there are people out there who have felt exactly how they feel and they survived. It can teach kids who are lucky enough to not have to deal with this struggle how to open their hearts to those kids at school who get teased constantly for their perceived sexuality. And most importantly, watching Chaz Bono dance his heart out just may prevent a kid who feels alone and trapped in a body that doesn't quite fit them, from ending their life. Rather than chastising Chaz, you as a group of moms, should be applauding his extraordinary bravery. He did something that so many others weren't able to, and he did it under the scrutiny of the public eye. Thank goodness he has a wonderful, loving, supportive mom in Cher and not one of you because if he were your son we just may be talking about yet another life ended rather than celebrating what his life has become.

There are NO Madea's in my Family

Yes, I've actually had to say those words to quite a few people and that's the problem with Tyler Perry and Hollywood. I'm not sure if it's Hollywood or us as the supporting audience, but it seems as if only one Black anything is allowed to be hot at a time, and right now, Tyler Perry is hot. His movies gross millions, ($500 million to date),his book, Don't Make a Black Woman Take Off Her Earrings: Madea's Uninhibited Commentaries on Love and Life , reached number 1 on the New York Time's Best Seller list, he has not one, but two television shows on TBS, and he's done something that not many Black actors/producers/directors have ever been able to do: He's had crossover success! And while I would never hate on anyone's success or hustle, I often wonder if we (Black women in particular) are paying the price for his success. Far too often I've heard people (both Black and White) make references to Madea and expect me to respond in a knowing manner. In fact, I've heard Mr. Perry himself say on numerous occasions that there's a Madea in all Black families. But the truth of the matter is, there are no Madea's in my family. In fact, most of the characters in Mr. Perry's movies are completely foreign to me. All of the young women in my family are bright, ambitious, and motivated, not lost and looking for love like most of Mr. Perry's female characters. This may sound shocking, but NONE of the young men in my family have been to jail, and while they may not be angels, they're certainly not the woman beating, dead beat dad's so often portrayed in Tyler Perry films. And while my grandmother (may she forever rest in peace) was a force to be reckoned with, she was a far cry from Madea. My grandmother's strength did not come from her handgun or her ability to tackle grown men. Her strength came from her experience. If she saw you making a mistake she had made herself, she'd let you know before you did it. And if you went ahead and made that mistake anyway, she'd call you a fool, let you know that she told you so, and help you figure out how to fix it.

What Mr. Perry doesn't seem to realize is that far too often people believe that what they see on the big screen. And if I didn't know far too many awesome Black women, I would think we all hated men, were over bearing bitches, gold digging, single mothers, down on our luck and were the spawn of Madea. I would think that the majority of Black men are superficial, dead beat dads, that work blue collar jobs. Tyler Perry is in a very unique position: he's a Black man who can actually help shape the way Black families are viewed by non Black audiences. How dynamic would it be for his next films to feature successful Black women happily married to successful Black men and raising children that are ambitious and motivated? Or even single Black women that don't hate Black men and are enjoying life on the single circuit? My hope for 2012 is that Tyler Perry realizes what a powerful medium he has and uses it to help change some of the perceptions of Black women and the Black family...

Realizations

Over the past month or so I've had lots of realizations in both my personal and professional life. Some were quite obvious, (I absolutely cannot work in a cubicle or sit at a desk the majority of the day), others were surprising, (it takes a strong partner to stick it out when things aren't rosy)and some were hard learned, (not everyone can be the friend you expect or need them to be). One thing I've definitely learned, my spirit is not be to be tamed or contained and even the strongest people need a shoulder to cry on. Sorry it's been so long, it won't happen again :-)

I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T Do You Know That Means?

I was perusing Facebook recently when I came across a (semi) friend's status in which she was proudly proclaiming her independence. The comment thread was filled with comments from women all making similar proclamations. Me, being the inquisitive (aka nosy) person that I am couldn't help but click on a few of these "independent" women's pages and what I found was A. they all had children, B. they were all single and C. on Father's Day almost every single one of them had negative statuses referring to their child's absentee father. Eventually I made my way back to my friend's page and posed the question, what does it mean to be independent? The response: "I don't need no man, blah, blah, blah," that same tired man hating rhetoric that I have come to find both comical and quite troubling. So I posed another question, if your independence is dependent on your need of a man, or lack there of, are you truly independent? After a few more, "I don't need no man, " anthems I let it go but it definitely made me think. What exactly does it mean to be "independent?" It's a word we seem to throw out rather quickly and there's usually a certain amount of respect in being described as such...But what does it mean? According to Webbie, an independent woman is one who has her own house, her own job, two kids, no man, and is a bad broad. Well, I currently rent, have no kids, a wonderful partner, and while I have no problem referring to myself as bad as hell, there's just something about the word broad that may get you punched if you EVER refer to me as such (please don't test me on that one). So I guess that puts me out of the "Independent" category. So I ask again, what does it mean when we claim to be independent? Most women will say they're independent because they don't need a man for anything. Well, let me let the cat of the bag: men, partners, and spouses are not the be all end all of independence. My independence means that I'm able to what I need to do to accomplish what I need to accomplish and feel secure enough in making those decisions on my own. And the truth of the matter is, I've been that way for a long time. Long before I even noticed the opposite sex. My mom often jokes that I was born doing things my way, often times without first asking or getting her permission. She would make jokes about my, "strong will," and "inquisitive nature," but she was really quite supportive of my exerting my independence at a very young age. As long as I understood the consequences of my actions I had her full support. And that freedom fostered true independence. When I was 18 and decided to join the Air Force, there wasn't a family discussion around the table like you see on television. I came home and informed my mother that I would be leaving for basic training in August. That was in June. When I decided I was sick of relaxing my hair, I simply stopped. I didn't ask anyone for their opinion. I could go on and on about thousands of decisions I've made completely independent of anyone but there's no need. I will say that while I admire women who don't "need" a man for anything, let's keep it real ladies: the vast majority of us want and long for a happy, healthy, loving relationship. For all of my independence and ability to do for self, I must admit, it was nice to have a man around to save the day when I pulled the shower knob out of the wall and water was shooting all over the bathroom. And admitting so doesn't make me any less independent, it simply makes me human.

Muslims in America..

So I just read this awful story on CNN about Walid Shoebat, a man claiming to be an "ex-terrorist" touring the US to warn police officers and other city officials about the dangers of Muslims and Mosques in America. He claims to be a former Muslim and member of the PLO and allegedly firebombed an Israeli bank in Bethlehem. He also claims to have served time in an Israeli jail and absolutely none of this can be verified. What can be verified is the $500,000+ he brings in annually as our department of homeland security pays him for multiple engagements. Sounds a little fishy to me. Spreading fear and hate is bad enough. To turn your back on your people and capitalize from said fear and hate is absolutely atrocious! As a friend to many Muslims I'm so sick of the this anti-Muslim rhetoric and this is actually quite sickening. Yes, the 9/11 attacks were carried out by a group of extremist Muslims. And yes, that was a tragedy of epic proportions, but to continue to preach hate against our Muslim brothers and sisters 10 years later is shameful. How many wars have been fought in the name of Christianity? How many lives have been lost in that same name? How was this country founded? Hell, this country was built on the backs of slaves and wasn't slavery supposedly okay because the Bible said so? I'm not here to start a religious debate or cast stones at any one religion. I'm simply here to stand in solidarity with my Muslim brothers and sisters and say enough is enough.

I'm Sorry, does my Black Bother You?

Have you ever watched a co-worker do or say something, and thought to yourself, "I would probably get fired if I did that?" Or been asked your opinion and when you give it in a professional, respectful manner been called negative or aggressive? Have you been accused of not being a team player? Now look in the mirror. I bet your skin has enough melanin to classify you as a person of color. I've found that all too often in the workplace our non co-workers of color (aka White folk) are very quick to inscribe these negative attributes on the backs of their colored counterparts. I was once told that an email I sent asking if I could purchase bagels for my early a.m. meeting was aggressive. Mind you, I didn't use unnecessary capital letters or bold print. No exclamation marks or any other emoticon generally associated with being angry or aggressive. I simply asked a question and offered a few solutions only to be told a few weeks later that my email seemed angry. Seriously..I seemed angry about bagels. Sounds ridiculous right? Unfortunately I've heard of far too many similar experiences from my other Black and Brown working friends. We've been asked to share an opinion on ideas and later been told that our opinions are negative or that we are not team players because we choose to pass on beer and baseball outings. We've all watched our co-workers with Blonde hair and fair skin express similar opinions and be applauded for thinking outside of the box. Go figure. I've come to realize that my very presence in certain work environments can be quite intimidating. It doesn't matter that I laugh often and make sure I exchange at least one pleasantry with everyone daily. According to them I'm Black, so I must be angry about something. Of course, my cocoa skin comes in handy when they need a token to show their diversity, but the minute I open my mouth, I'm the "Angry Black Girl." I've found myself overcompensating to ensure I don't intimidate people. I use phrases like "okey dokey," and make sure I include stupid smiley faces on emails to make sure no one thinks I'm angry. When asked my opinion about something, if I don't agree I simply don't speak up. All of this extra work (for not nearly enough pay)is enough to actually drive a sista crazy! Am I the only one to experience incidental intimidation, solely based on skin color?

Leave My Womb Alone!!

It seems like every time I turn around my womb is being discussed in some form or another. Whether it's the House voting to strip Planned Parenthood of Federal Funds or Michelle Bachmann calling Planned Parenthood a "criminal enterprise," and threatening to outlaw abortion it seems like a woman's right to choose has become great fodder for public debate. And then there's the constant defending of my choice to not become a mother at this stage in my life. When did a woman's right to choose become a public debate? We all know that Roe v. Wade affirmed a woman's right to choose to abort a pregnancy, but now it seems like we have to defend our choice to not get pregnant in the first place. If I had a dollar for every time I had to explain to people why I don't have kids yet, I could probably give Sallie Mae at least half of the cash I owe her. The truth of the matter is, I love kids and can't wait to start my family, but it seems as though the increase of baby mamas and baby daddy's has diminished the importance of having a nuclear family. Blame it on my mama, but I still believe in marriage before children. For years she not so subtly let me know that I better not bring home any children without bringing home a husband and for all the things that didn't stick...that did. My decision to remain kid free before marriage isn't a knock to the many wonderful single moms out there doing it. I was raised by a wonderful woman who played the roles of mommy, daddy, and sibling (yes I am an only child) and I know some extremely hardworking single women who are raising our future Queens and Kings. And while raising a child is probably the most gratifying job in the world, it's also the hardest. I look back on my own childhood with amazement at how my mom managed to move us out of LA and into the suburbs, yet still battle LA traffic to make sure she was home in time for school recitals and award ceremonies. She made sure I had at least one fan at every basketball game and she wiped away my tears when someone or something disappointed me to the point of crying. She made all of it look so easy, but trust me, she let it be known that single parenthood was the hardest thing she had ever done. And that's one of the many reasons I have yet to bear children. While I'm all for independence, there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a partner to share that responsibility with. And call me crazy, but I want to have one last name in my household. I have a friend that was with her boyfriend for almost 10 years and had two children before she decided to marry him for that very reason. And then there's the whole financial responsibility that comes along with children. Unless my dear Auntie Sallie Mae starts taking diapers and formula as payments, my current financial situation does not allow room for children. I was seven with a passport and want to provide a similar lifestyle for my children. Funny, but even my dear mom has jumped on the, "When are you going to have a baby?" bandwagon. I would share my real answer with her but I can't be held to deadlines when it comes to my womb (soon mommy, I promise). Bottom line is, I can go on and on about my decision to not have kids right now, but I shouldn't have to. Parenthood should be a joy, not something a woman should feel forced into by society.

Black, Educated....and Broke

I, like the majority of my friends have a college degree from a pretty good school. Most of my friends even have secondary degrees which I too plan on one day getting. I'm just as well rounded, if not more than most. I am a military veteran, was a student leader in college, and was even a member of a month long human rights delegation in Rwanda. Finding a great job after college was supposed to be a breeze. But here's something else that almost all of my friends have in common: we are Black, Educated, and BROKE! Yes, the majority of us are employed, but in this economy it's harder than ever for recent college graduates to get a foot in the door with these high paying companies. It used to be simple. Go to college, get a great internship, and at the end of your internship, the company realized how awesome you are and offered you a nice paid position. Unfortunately in today's economy so many companies are barely staying afloat and free work is really their only option. So where does that leave those of us with the unfortunate circumstance of being a recent college graduate? Well, most of us are working in jobs where we're barely able to pay rent, bills, and dear ol' Aunt Sallie Mae. CNN recently ran a story aptly titled, "My degree isn't worth the debt!" and quite frankly, I agree. A college classmate of mine and I always refer to our degrees as, "The most expensive piece of paper we've ever bought," because that's all it's been to us thus far. Will I admit that having a college degree helped get my foot in the door at my current and previous employers? Absolutely! But I'll also admit that I've only worked for small non profits with salaries that barely cover the monthly cost of that degree. And quite frankly, I have not done anything in my professional career that I don't think I could have done without this private college education. Leaving the non profit world and going corporate isn't quite so easy these days either. With so many people competing for so few jobs, unless you have at least 5 years of experience in that new field, don't even bother applying. And that's for an entry level salary barely above what I make now. Between the recently laid off, who may have 10 years plus experience, and other recent graduates, it's pretty competitive out there. I'm not saying we should start telling our youth not to go to college, but as a former youth worker I was and continue to be extremely honest with the young people in my life. College is a major financial undertaking and whether you graduate or not, Sallie Mae and the Department of Education are going to want their money six months after you leave that campus. And although I know that my college education was in investment in my future, I am definitely not living the adult life I imagined. Frivolous shopping, last minute travel, and regular happy hours are for now, things of the past. Rather than living like Carrie Bradshaw, I am living like a recent college graduate with massive debt. I am (impatiently) counting down the days until I make that December loan payment so I can throw these bad boys back into deferment...and go back to school. I know it's crazy but I still haven't abandoned the idea of getting my Master's Degree and in turn getting an awesome job doing what I love and finally making enough money to not have to worry. Until then, I will continue to be Black, Educated, Broke....and FABULOUS!!

Check out Default: the Student Loan Documentary if you still need some light shed on this growing situation:

Friends with Benefits

Spoiler alert: I'm pretty sure I know how the new Justin Timberlake Mila Kunis movie ends. I'm going to go on a limb and say that after years of being regular friends, and a few random, innocent hook ups, the two of them will realize that they've had feelings for each other all along and will utter those three magic words, "I love you," and share a long, sloppy kiss as the credits roll. That sounds like the perfect way to begin a relationship...if you live on the silver screen and not in the real world. While Hollywood likes to romanticize the idea of having sex with no strings attached, in reality, it very rarely works out. Someone almost always winds up hurt, and it's more than likely the woman in the relationship. I've seen it time and time again. Woman meets man. Woman and man share a physical attraction for each other. Man tells woman he's not looking for a relationship, but he still wants to sleep with her. They become friends with benefits and everything is fine until A. The woman catches feelings or B. The man finds a woman with whom he has a vested interest and now the friends with benefits relationship has to come to an end. Now the woman friend is left to pick up the pieces and wonder why she never transitioned from being his "friend with benefits" to his girlfriend. Part of it, is because by entering into this Friends with Benefits type of relationship, you in essence, agreed to be The Wet Hole. You basically let him know that he can come and go (PUN TOTALLY INTENDED) as he pleases. He's mentally moved you from prospective girlfriend to late night booty call. And from my experience, once a man categorizes you, it's hard to switch lanes. Bottom line, there is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying (safe) sex with no strings attached, if that's really all you want but women, please be honest with yourselves.If you want more, let it be known up front because not everyone is going to end up as lucky as Mila Kunis.

Stop Being the Wet Hole

"A man can find pleasure in any wet hole."

We've all heard it. A woman telling a man that he'll never find any sex better than hers. Or a woman telling her girlfriends about her "good, good," and how it has her man sprung. I've even ran across a crew that refers to themselves as the "Good Pu**y Crew." Seriously ladies. Let me tell you like my dear friend told me, a man can find pleasure in any wet hole. This was my Facebook status a few weeks ago and someone asked me to elaborate, so here we go.

For a man, good sex is pretty easy to come by. If she gets wet and does more than just lay there, the average man will enjoy it to the point of ejaculation (was that technical enough for you?). Don't get me wrong, there are certain moves that will surely blow his mind in the bed, (I've really been trying to perfect the Lynn Spin since the days of Girlfriends) but what takes sex from good to great is the work you put in before and after you get down with the get down. Thanks to my love of music and sports, as well as my time in the Air Force, I've made tons of male friends. I've been privy to conversations that were both disgusting and enlightening. My conclusion: men will lay down with a willing and able body but they'll only start relationships with women who stimulate them mentally. Unfortunately too many women aren't willing to put in the work it takes to capture and keep a man's attention outside of the bedroom. How many women are willing to step outside of their own comfort zones and learn his mental triggers? Can your man cry in front you without feeling like his masculinity is being threatened? How many women are versed in more than just reality television and fashion and are able to talk politics and gender roles with their man? How many women can chill with him and his boys on Sunday and watch the game and know that Adrian Peterson's fumble just cost the Vikings a trip to the NFC championship? And most importantly, how many women are comfortable enough in their "independence" to know that they don't "need" a man, but damn it, they want one! And when they find that man worthy enough to settle down with, how many women are willing to come home after a hard day at work, throw on that apron and make a meal so good that he has to call his mama and let her know that his lady can throw down too? Not too many. But to have almost every woman tell it, their "good good," is the best in the world. Now don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with knowing that you can satisfy a man in the bed, but I take comfort in knowing that I satisfy mine outside of the bedroom as well. So ladies, let's move beyond our "wet holes," and put in the work towards long lasting, healthy, happy relationships. And once we've put in that work, let's perfect our own versions of that Lynn Spin!

White's Only Scholarship

I've been slacking on my writing and reading, (blame the holiday weekend and my social butterfly ways) but this was something I had to share.As a college graduate of a predominately White, private institution, and a recipient of one of those "Student of Color Scholarships" the idea of a "White's Only Scholarship," is not only offensive, it's one of the most absurd things I've heard in a minute. Not only is Marcus Carter out of his mind, so is Colby Bohannan. I'd like to ask Mr. Bohannan, how does the number of the scholarships that are established for minorities compare to the general scholarships? And how many of those general scholarships are awarded to people of color? How many universities, outside of our HBCUs have a problem recruiting and maintaining quality white students? I don't see Harvard, Yale or any of our other Ivy League institutions designating "White's Only Scholarships," and I also don't see a decline in their white student population..Go figure...And Marcus Carter, I hope you don't have younger siblings, family members, or children that are ever in need of money for school. And if they do, the better not apply for any of that minority money...I wonder how Mr. Carter will feel when he realizes that he was simply a tool in Black face used to push the agenda of White man....

Here's the news piece:

Friends Don't Let Friends Dress Like Nicki Minaj

Walking down the streets of the sunny Southside of Minneapolis I've seen some interesting looks. The one I'm seeing more often than not is what I've dubbed the "Nicki Minaj." I know you've seen it: brightly colored, ripped leggings, extreme make up, loud accessories, all topped off by pink/purple/white hair. Now, I'm all for expressing yourself visually, but this has gone a tad too far! Nicki Minaj is an entertainer, and unless you're also in the entertainment business, chances are you have no business walking down the street dressed like a futuristic streetwalker. Sadly, this has become quite common and not just amongst youth; I've seen many grown women rocking the "Nicki Minaj" faithfully! Where do you all work where this is accepted and how can I get a job there? Bottom line is this: friends don't let friends dress like Nicki Minaj. I don't care how hot it looks on stage or in the video, trust me, it doesn't look that good on you!

Nicki Minaj:

Your friend:

See how it just doesn't translate???

I am NOT my hair..Seriously

I've never been into "anthems" but as corny as it sounds, India Arie's "I Am Not My Hair," really rings true for me. I've probably had every hairstyle under the moon and while my exterior may change on a daily basis, my character always remains the same. The funny thing is, I've noticed that I'm definitely treated differently depending on my hairstyle. When I had bleached blonde with hair down past my shoulders I would get approached my men who sold drugs or committed other crimes and thought that, "going to kick it at their homies crib" was a great first date. They seemed astonished when I opened my mouth and, SURPRISE, this girl reads books, travels, and watches more than reality TV. When that same hair was dark brown I was only approached by men in the corporate world who thought I was a wild child for regretting not bungee jumping with my friends in South Africa (I chose to explore Paris alone which was great but I will bungee in South Africa one day). The Halle Berry short cut attracted a variety of men with a variety of approaches. My "favorite" was the older White men who wanted to act out their Monster's Ball fantasies, **shuddering at the thought.**And then of course, there was the natural. Now most of the women I know don't actually perm their hair so they can all attest to this one. When I rocked my afro, I would get nothing but, "Hey Queen!" or, "Beautiful Soul Sista," blah, blah, blah. Most of these men had dreads or an afro, preferred not to eat meat and only wanted to listen to, "real hip hop." They were astonished to realize that I love meat (fried chicken is a weekly staple in my house), I drink alcohol, and while I love Common and Mos Def, Lil Wayne's Mrs. Officer was the ring tone on my phone for over a year!And when that same natural hair was flat ironed straight, those same men (and women)would give me the side eye as if I had grown a third arm or something. Gone were the friendly greetings and head nods. I was no longer a member of their exclusive group. Since then I've had short cuts, mo-hawks, weaves, and braids. Depending on the style I've been approached by professional athletes, musicians, accountants, and yes, even a professional BMX biker. What these men, and honestly women too, fail to realize is, hair is nothing more than accessory. It by no means reflects my inner character or the journey I am on. Because my hair is currently permed it doesn't mean that I'm trying to be White or fit into any one segment of the population. It simply means that this hair is the accessory that fits at the moment. So let's all sing it together, "I Am Not My Hair...."

The Weeknd

If you know me, you know that I've been banging this group, The Weeknd for a minute now. Fresh out of Toronto you'll be hard pressed to find much information about them anywhere on the web. I'll tell you this, their mix tape, House of Balloons is bananas! It's an album you can clean the house to, get ready for your night out to, read a book to, and yes, if you're not too careful, you may even make a baby to this album! It sounds like something my mama would play when I was little, but way cooler. Click and play, you can thank me later!

All of our artists are criminals...according to Yahoo! News

So I came across this article posted on Yahoo! News aptly titled, "Stars with criminal pasts honored at BET awards.". Now, as hard as I am on Black folks, stars in particular, this is a total joke. First off Yahoo, of all of last night winners, 4 of them have criminal records, (Lil Wayne, Rick Ross, Chris Brown and Mike Vick). And while I'm not denying that these men need to be held accountable for their actions, how come I've never seen a similar headline when Jim Morrison or Johnny Cash are being honored? What about every member of Guns N Roses or Black Sabbath? Ozzy Osbourne is considered a legend for his music, off stage antics and numerous run ins with the law. And before you say it, I understand that most (if any) of the cases against the artists I mentioned above did not result in jail time, neither did the arrests of Chris Brown or Rick Ross. And for the record, Patti LaBelle, Nicki Minaj, Rihanna, and Willow and Jayden Smith were also honored last night, and the last time I checked, none of them have been arrested or served jail time either, but their awards weren't worthy of mentioning in the piece. Thank you Yahoo! News

We have got to do better

I know, I can be rather picky and quite hard on Black people, but seriously, we have GOT to do better! Black folk are always quick to complain about how "the man" or "the establishment" is keeping us down, but boy do we make it easy for them! Let's start with that circus they called the BET Awards last night. Besides the ridiculousness of a pre-pubescent boy hopping around the stage rapping about his "Love Affair,"  the always below par rap performances (seriously how many times did Rick Ross hit the stage?), and  BET President sounding as if she's never read a teleprompter in her life, there was the mistake heard and seen across the globe. Poor Tiffany Green. She was the "lucky" fan selected to announce the Viewer's Choice Award with Rocsi and Terrence. They flew her to the show, gave her a make over, and put her in a fly dress...Unfortunately they seemed to have forgotten one important part: make sure everyone knows exactly who won the award! Tiffany announced Chris Brown, then Rihanna, only to have Terrence grab the mic and announce that Drake was the winner. Only to then have BET announce later that Tiffany was in fact correct, Chris Brown had won the award. Here's the entire 1 minute debacle in case you missed it:



I feel bad for Tiffany. I don't feel bad for BET. They played the wrong song. BET executive Stephen Hill said he, "called an audible," mistakenly believing that Rihanna had won the award. Call me crazy, but I don't ever recall seeing things like this happen on the Grammy's, the MTV Awards, or American Music Awards. Come on BET, as the "premiere" station for Black viewers you have got to do better. Run your show on a 5 second delay in order to adequately catch all of the bad words. Make your performers do more than just show up and hop around the stage. And please, please, please don't embarrass anymore fans!

Thank You!

The first line is always the hardest..Do I say hello, or some hipper version of the standard greeting? Do I assume you haven't read my (probably incomplete) about me section and introduce myself? Or do I simply put my fingers to the keyboard and begin typing? I'm not quite sure so we'll figure that out next time. For now, I want to simply want to say, "Thank You!" It's easy to see a blog and think, "I love to write and I have a lot to say...I could do that.." but it's actually quite scary to take that first step and just do it. It's actually quite presumptuous to think that anyone would actually be interested in anything I have to say, but thanks to the encouragement of my many, many girlfriends (J-Dubb we're not even the closest but wow, I hold your numerous encouraging words and blog requests near and dear to my heart), a wonderful partner, and a cosmic twin literally sent from somewhere above...I'm taking that first step...Welcome to the world as I see it...